Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
