The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No subtext here. People are naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
