Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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