plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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