"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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