It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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