dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
