they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
