matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So vagazzling was a success
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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