your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
