Buhtt sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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