Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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