Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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