So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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