I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
