I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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