i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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