Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
