Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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