He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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