P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
