She's JV to your varsity
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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