It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Drunk is a universal language darling
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
