I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
