I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
