Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
