i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
