So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
