I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize