P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
