Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
