Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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