All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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