"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
