Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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