Say something about gay babies.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
