So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
