I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
