Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
