Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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