she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
