those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
