I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
