my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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