"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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