i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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