Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Two words: blizzard sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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