You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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