Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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