Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
