This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
