this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
