He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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