I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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