I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
