matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
