dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
