Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
