There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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