There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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