is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
