Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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