I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
