she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
