i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
